When I was a child, in the school
I never wondered who I was
I was a carefree soul…
Study and play that was all what I did
Never bothered as to who I was…
A good or a bad boy, a dumb or an intelligent student,
I was who I was and never bothered about how or what I was
But as I grew older, in college
I started wondering, who I am
What I will be in life, if I am good…
A good student?, a good son?, a good friend?
I was bothered…bothered about everything
What I studied in college, it was not what I wanted to
But I had no choice, I had to…
You need to be a graduate to be eligible for any job, I was told
And I graduated and still remained unsure of myself…
Who I was, what is my place in this world..
I had dreams; I had the fire…to conquer the world…to show them what I am capable of
But actually, I never knew what I was capable of…
But I was sure, I never wanted to become like a common man
I thought I was different…and I was different, I believed
I was different but doing the same odd things that everyone else was doing around me
But still I believed I was different and never wanted to become like the common man…
Doing the same odd things led into a job, only to make my parents happy
It was an achievement then…to get a good job, ‘good’ directly related to the salary
Could not figure out what was the good in the job…but continued doing it for years,
And still believing I was different and I will show it to the world….I continued with my job
I made some money, bought a house and a big car;
And continued doing the same things as what everyone was doing
Over the years I became more as a Manager, Vice President, Director…
My friends and colleagues too, had more or less similar or even better adjectives
And then suddenly after all these years I realised I was no different from others…
And that I could not show anything different to this world…
And now, there was even no fire left within…
In fact the fire died long-long ago…and I was never ever aware of the fact
And I had only this much to show the world
These few adjectives beside my name…
This is what I could show to this world…in all these years, only this much! What a pity!
And now I ask myself; Are you The Manager or The Vice President or The Director?
No, I am not…I am none of all these, I tell this to myself
I am none, I repeat again to myself
I am a free soul, I am the master of my own life, I slowly whisper to myself
I want to write my own destiny…even at this stage of my life, I want to write
And whether it makes me or breaks me completely, I care none
But I want to be the writer of my life’s drama, my life’s karma
And no one should dictate me my terms
And No, I don’t want to be anyone else…
And neither wants to carry the heavy burden of those phoney adjectives…
I am the wanderlust, the painter, the writer…an artist
Let me see this world as the wanderlust, as a painter, as a writer…as an artist
I take this small step forward…to see the world, in search of myself…
Note : Written in autumn of 2012