Author: Anirvan Chakravarty

Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself!
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Don't be in a state of Indecisiveness!

Sign board depicting 'Right' and 'Wong' with two differently directed arrows.

I was always fascinated by the defense and police personnel. Seeing the men in their uniform was a delight for me during my growing up years. And it somehow remained in the back of my mind. But when an opportunity appeared to be one among them and done the uniform, I was not sure if I wanted to follow it as a career. The reason being I also wanted to pursue my higher studies from a US university. I was in a state of sheer indecisiveness whether to join the armed forces or to go for the higher studies?! It was really a stressful period for me. Imagine I was just twenty years old then!

In life, such a situation often arises where we have to make a decision and we are not sure as to what decision to take. In the example that I mentioned above, I had two choices. Many a time you just have to decide on something but still, you cannot make a decision as you are not sure of yourself. In the process, you start overthinking and it results in creating more stress in your mind. How can we avoid this state of indecisiveness? Can we really avoid it?

When you are in a state of indecisiveness, your mind oscillates between the positive aspects and the negative aspects of a decision that you intend to take. The mind does not let you decide on a particular options that you might have before you. It only cultivates multiple thoughts which keep your mind wastefully engaged in unnecessary overthinking. This overthinking restricts your decision-making capacity in the present time and creates a psychosis or rather a fear psychosis- the fear of the unknown. The state of indecisiveness does not serve any purpose other than to create a confused state of mind. So, what is the solution then? If it was so easy to make a decision on somebody or something, why the hell would be anyone like to be in a state of indecisiveness?

Is this state similar to the sate of ‘Dilemma’? No, because when you are in a state of dilemma, generally you have to make a decision from either of the two options available to you and you know that both the options are equally bad! I am not categorizing the dilemma under the various heading as ethical, moral, emotional etc. Here let’s restrict our definition of dilemma as an unsure state of mind on taking a decision when given a choice.

Let us now analyze why our mind is unsure of taking a decision. The probable reasons could be:-

  1. Decision could have a probability of a failure.
  2. Impacting larger audience in a negative manner.
  3. May create financial insecurity.
  4. Impact any of the existing relationships.
  5. May harm your reputation.
  6. May impact your business or profession.

So on and so forth…

If you do a deeper analysis of all the above reasons you will find one thing in common- the fear factor! This fear factor creates the state of indecisiveness or dilemma in your mind and makes you overthink resulting in further enhancing the fear factor and in the process, you continue to harness the notional fear in your mind and procrastinate your decision for long! In fact, that notional fear does not allow you to take any decision!

What to do then? My simple advice would be; when you are unable to take a decision which is important to your overall self, take a break ; take some time out. Sit in isolation and write down on a piece of paper what is bothering you. Then write down the probable solutions which will mitigate that botheration. Arrive at or pick one solution that would meet the maximum of your overall solution requirements. Of course, there would be some amount of risk involved but then every major decision that you took in life had a certain amount of risk involved. There is no escape from it!

How about sharing an example of this? Let’s take my example only which I mentioned in the beginning; choosing a career between armed forces and higher studies abroad. You know after going through a painful period of the indecisiveness for a few weeks, I sat down and decided what would be more beneficial and more suitable for me in the long run? And after some deliberations, I decided to choose higher studies abroad options. It’s another matter that despite getting I-20(Admission letter from a US university that allows you to apply for visa) from four good universities I ultimately could not go for my higher studies to the US! But at least I took a decision!

And the next important thing to remember once you take a decision; stick to it! No matter what! At no point of time, ever regret that decision! You see, in life, we normally take five to six decisions that overall shapes our destiny. Some of the decisions may go wrong or might not be that fruitful. But ensure you take corrective actions rather than regretting or cursing your decision. Just remember, life is a journey and on a journey, we have all kinds of experiences- some good and some bad! And we still continue with our journey…

Now, I hope you have understood the crux of the matter that no matter what:-

  1. Never be too long in the state of indecisiveness.
  2. Take a decision and stick to it.
  3. Don’t ever regret the decision that you have taken.
  4. Life is a journey, enjoy every milestone!

Cheers!

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Don’t let your Dreams Die!

Two pink balloons flying high in the sky!
Let your dreams fly high!

The sun is about to go down in a while. Mild golden rays of the drowning sun gets into my room filtered through the long outstretched branches of the lone coconut tree outside my window. In some moments, the year would come to an end. There is that anticipated excitement of the New Year which is only a few hours away and at the same time, a feeling of loss engulfs me too! Loss? Yes, loss of the golden time that just zoomed past in the form of a whole year! But why say loss? Well, loss as so many things still unaccomplished in my life! Every year is just slipping by like the sand in my fist…yes, there were important tasks accomplished and some big achievements too in this year but what about those dreams that still remained dreams year after year!…

“How is your Portrait learning class going on?” I asked my school time friend when we recently met.

“No, I never started!” He replied with a sigh!

“Why? What happened? Last, when we spoke and that was quite some time ago, you seem to be very keen on learning the art of Portrait making?”

“Yes, it was my dream for long…but you know, not able to find time for this. Also, the kids need more of my time now when I am at home.”

I did not ponder him any further. I myself have been struggling to find time to learn the Guitar for long. The now not so newly bought Guitar is just hanging on the wall since it made that grand entry to our house. It must be feeling acrimonious in a similar fashion to what my colleague , Subramanian (actually, Subbu my dear friend!) feels towards me for still not having met his long pending request of releasing one of my team members to his team. Shame on me for letting both, the Guitar and Subbu, down!

Forget about the Guitar or Subbu, but this is a hard fact and a harsh reality of our life. We somehow get so much consumed in our routine job and the family responsibilities that it leaves us with no time to pursue our interests which are so close to our heart. And it is true for both genders. So, what do we do with our dreams that are still unfulfilled? Should we let them die a quiet and peaceful death? Does everyone do that? I don’t think so. There are many people, despite all their professional and personal commitments, who find time to pursue their hobbies and dreams. After all, you just have one life to do all these!

To be somewhat more granular, you will find that if you do an analysis of your daily time-spend including weekends, you will find there are multiple occasions when you just have nothing to do. And how do you spend this time? You become a consumer- a consumer of internet usage (going through useless updates and mindless surfing of net), endlessly gossiping over the phone or mindlessly watching TV which adds no value to your well-being. Also, I believe a little planning on time management would yield us ample spare time which we can utilize managing our interests and hobbies. It is our mindset which we have built over the years that makes us believe that there is a scarcity of time…all the time!

As we travel through our journey of life, we often find ourselves caught up in the mad race of acquiring more and more- more wealth, multiple houses, more cars, more ‘likes’ for our profile pictures and so on…or simply put; becoming  more acquisitive in nature. In this process, we just lose track of our destination and start wandering around. Just pause for some moments and think for a while- where did you want to go and where have you reached now? Are you moving towards the destination that you had in mind when you started or have you deviated? Have you achieved your dreams or are you letting them die a slow death?

I would suggest some simple but very powerful ways to ensure that you don’t lose track of your cherished dreams and goals. And here they are:-

  1. Write down your dreams or goals in block letters in your personal diary or journal (if you maintain one!). Or, simply write down your dreams or goals on a plain sheet of paper and stick in front of you on your study table or your work area. Read it daily and all the time! At least once in a day, read it aloud! This will help you to mentally register your goals and dreams which will automatically yield in producing some concrete actions to achieve the same. Believe me, it works!
  2. Discuss your dreams and goals with at least one person in your life. It can be your family member, spouse, close friend, a colleague or your teacher or mentor. Ask for advice and means and ways to achieve your dream. There is nothing to feel shy or secret about it. The psychology behind it is that when you speak about something with another person close to you, it creates an obligation in your mind to ensure its completion. You feel obliged to do it as in your sub-conscious it creates an objective for you to achieve that task. Also, you become answerable to the other person when he or she inquires about your dreams or goals. You become accountable in the process!
  3. Maintain your diary or journal and visit it periodically. Your dreams and goals should be listed there in order of your priority. Keep ticking the boxes as and when you achieve or complete your goals. Whenever you visit your journal, it will remind you that you have pending tasks to complete. This way you will not lose track of your dreams and goals.

Remember, life is short. Yes, one day you will wake up and find that you are no more capable enough of doing things as you were able to do so earlier. So, wake up now and accomplish! Fulfill the purpose of your life. Life without purpose is meaningless. Set your goals high so that the process of achieving them becomes a journey to remember in itself. And while you are on this adorable journey, don’t forget to enjoy and have fun! After all, one lives for what?

Well, the sun has downed now and slowly the chilly wintry night is creeping in. Wow! In a few moments, we will usher into the New Year! A new year that will give us innumerable opportunities to grow and shine along with loads of fun-filled moments! So, enjoy it!

Have a great New Year ahead!! 

Cheers!