Coaching is a journey that self-aware people undertake to achieve professional and personal growth, to enhance their overall quality of life in terms of well-being and to achieve those goals which at some time they thought were impossible to achieve.
Role Of A Coach
The coach will help you to find the resources in yourself to achieve those goals or objectives that you have in mind related to your personal and professional life. The coach takes you to this journey of growth and success through new perspectives. The coach will be the best person who will know the gap between where you are now and the goal that you have in mind and will ensure you work tirelessly to reach that goal.
The coach will always talk about specifics. He will convert your goals into smart goals- specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely. You just can’t say ‘I want to do better in my Life’ or ‘I want to perform better at the workplace’. Your coach will make you talk specifics and ensure you have specific achievable goals. Your coach will be the realistic optimist. He will ensure that you have realistic goals that are attainable in a timely manner.
A good coach will always help you look better rather than trying to make you look good. This implies that the coach will not look at your past to decide or judge on your future. Many of us believe that our intelligence, our personality, and our physical aptitudes are fixed — that no matter what we do, we won’t improve. As a result, we focus on goals that are all about proving ourselves, rather than developing and acquiring new skills. Your coach will help you change this mindset and will help you develop and acquire new skills to achieve your goals.
Your coach will help you to embrace the fact that you can change. This will allow you to make better choices and reach your fullest potential. Better choices will ensure you better results which will ultimately help you in all spheres of your life; at home and at the workplace.
A coach understands that you are not only capable but also resourceful within yourself. He will help you in discovering your dreams and goals and will provide clarity by asking you to explore more into it by doing a deep dive. The coach will help you to explore and generate strategies and plans to execute these goals by giving you full responsibility and accountability. He will provide you a supportive and motivating environment to explore what you want in life and how you might achieve those aspirations and fulfill your needs.
Coach As Your Partner
In your coaching journey, the coach will often play the role of the sounding-board to your experiences and will help you commit to an action plan by allowing you the personal space and support you need to grow and develop. The coach’s key role is to assist you in maintaining the motivation and commitment level needed to achieve your goals. He will make you understand and realize that you are the driver of your life engine!
Here a word of caution! Please remember that your coach is not a therapist who will provide you with medical advise. Likewise, the coach will also never provide you with a tailor-made recipe for success. Rather it will be you who under a coach’s patronage will be driving solutions in accomplishing your goals.
Does this sentence often bother you? Are you the one who spends a lot of time thinking on ‘What if….?’ before starting anything new? Do you often think of the negative aspect of life even if there are no valid reasons to do so? Do you avoid doing most of the things that you would otherwise have loved to do just because you felt “what if….?” What is this ‘What if…’ actually all about??
Let us see some examples of ‘What if…’
-My family may not like it
-I might fail
-People might mock at me
-I might be humiliated
-I may lose money
-My friends may disown me
-I may lose my reputation
-My limited potential might be the hindrance
So on and so forth…!
Did you observe something common in all the above ‘assumptions’? Yes, these all are assumptions only as these did not occur still…only You assumed that they might occur!
Did you notice something else too!
Did you notice the fear factor in all the above assumptions?
This is what is called as the fear of the unknown.
And this is true for most of us. It is a different thing that we all have apprehensions about many of the things in our life and it plays an important role in making decisions towards something that we intend to do or accomplish. But till we limit ourselves to the apprehensions level only, we are good. Apprehensions are a good indicator that will make you weigh all pros and cons before making the right decision. But when that apprehension turns into a fear, you lose the battle. You will not be in a position to take the right decision any more with that fear looming in your head. Rather, you will not be able to make any decision at all! And your status quo remains. You are stuck where you are; no progress made. Life goes on for you!
The important thing to understand here is that you have to come out of that Fear in your head. Unless and until you do that, it will be difficult for you to accomplish anything important in your life- both personal and professional. And believe me, it will not be an easy task for you to achieve that mental state- where the mind is free of Fear!
So, how does one achieve that state of mind? I will share something from my own life. I too had lots of fear as I was growing up. Moving from adolescence state to a young man and then to crossing my midlife, I was continuously faced with so many fears that many times I wondered if at all will I be leading a free and happy life devoid of all my fears? Then as I matured with age and experience, I slowly started taking risks; risks of attempting to give an attempt to all the things that I had some kind of fear attached to them. And I was not only astonished but was also pleasantly surprised to find that most of the fears that were associated with the activities that I attempted were mere fears only!
In practical life, they(the fears) just don’t exist! Yes, this is very true and based out of my own experience. And the things that I attempted ranged from taking on a new course at forty-five to starting a family during the same age, accepting a new job offer in a completely new domain to drawing boundaries in my relationships so that I maintain the sanctity of my own space. My belief in people enhanced to a level that now I give the benefit of the doubt to almost everyone with whom I interact. I don’t doubt people anymore. I have relinquished all fears in my mind and have attempted new initiatives in my professional career having ventured into the territories quite unknown to me in my professional life.
These are very few and some very basic examples though but the list is long…
Here is the Key; to begin with, attempt very small or not very significant fears of yours and keep repeating the action(your attempt) accumulating the small victories. After a point, you will have the confidence and the mental strength to attack your bigger fears. And slowly you will achieve bigger victories. You will be ready to take calculated risks in your life and will make significant progress.
And you know what? The biggest lesson for me in all this was:
People give a damn about you!
So, the biggest worry that we have in our mind ‘what people will say’ is so irrelevant and obnoxious.
And remember: On the other side of your FEAR….lies your SUCCESS!
When you are knocked down badly and left with no strength to get up to fight again…you still gather all your strength for one last time and get up to fight with only one intention – to win!- This is Power!
When you are down and out… and people, your acquaintances, look into your eyes with a sly smile on their face that only says ‘ ha…finished?!’ and you look back straight into their eyes with a gentle smile that says’ just wait and watch…!’- This is Power!
When you feel alone and hopeless with your mind repeatedly telling you that you have lost it and should quit…but you listen to your heart and your gut feeling which tells you there is still a chance!… and with no one else beside you, you start off again from the scratch with a prayer in your heart… – This is Power!
When you are an underdog in terms of your education qualification sitting with your well-qualified peers in the conference room dominating the discussion and your peers look at you with dismay showing an expression on their face ’hey….but this was our domain!’- This is Power!
And lastly, when you are continuously abused by the ones whom you hold dear, you still continue to be kind and forgiving to them because your character doesn’t allow you… to become like them!- This is Power!!
Power is not holding big positions and adding designations to your name …neither it is to do with having big houses nor with having fancy cars! Real Power is to face the continuous challenges that life throws at you and come out as a Winner each time!!
The sun is about to go down
in a while. Mild golden rays of the drowning sun gets into my room filtered
through the long outstretched branches of the lone coconut tree outside my
window. In some moments, the year would come to an end. There is that
anticipated excitement of the New Year which is only a few hours away and at
the same time, a feeling of loss engulfs me too! Loss? Yes, loss of the golden
time that just zoomed past in the form of a whole year! But why say loss? Well,
loss as so many things still unaccomplished in my life! Every year is just
slipping by like the sand in my fist…yes, there were important tasks
accomplished and some big achievements too in this year but what about those
dreams that still remained dreams year after year!…
“How is your Portrait
learning class going on?” I asked my school time friend when we recently met.
“No, I never started!” He
replied with a sigh!
“Why? What happened? Last,
when we spoke and that was quite some time ago, you seem to be very keen on
learning the art of Portrait making?”
“Yes, it was my dream for
long…but you know, not able to find time for this. Also, the kids need more of
my time now when I am at home.”
I did not ponder him any further. I myself have been struggling to find time to learn the Guitar for long. The now not so newly bought Guitar is just hanging on the wall since it made that grand entry to our house. It must be feeling acrimonious in a similar fashion to what my colleague , Subramanian (actually, Subbu my dear friend!) feels towards me for still not having met his long pending request of releasing one of my team members to his team. Shame on me for letting both, the Guitar and Subbu, down!
Forget about the Guitar or
Subbu, but this is a hard fact and a harsh reality of our life. We somehow get
so much consumed in our routine job and the family responsibilities that it leaves
us with no time to pursue our interests which are so close to our heart. And it
is true for both genders. So, what do we do with our dreams that are still
unfulfilled? Should we let them die a quiet and peaceful death? Does everyone
do that? I don’t think so. There are many people, despite all their
professional and personal commitments, who find time to pursue their hobbies
and dreams. After all, you just have one life to do all these!
To be somewhat more granular, you will find that if you do an analysis of your daily time-spend including weekends, you will find there are multiple occasions when you just have nothing to do. And how do you spend this time? You become a consumer- a consumer of internet usage (going through useless updates and mindless surfing of net), endlessly gossiping over the phone or mindlessly watching TV which adds no value to your well-being. Also, I believe a little planning on time management would yield us ample spare time which we can utilize managing our interests and hobbies. It is our mindset which we have built over the years that makes us believe that there is a scarcity of time…all the time!
As we travel through our
journey of life, we often find ourselves caught up in the mad race of acquiring
more and more- more wealth, multiple houses, more cars, more ‘likes’ for our profile
pictures and so on…or simply put; becoming more acquisitive in nature. In this process,
we just lose track of our destination and start wandering around. Just pause
for some moments and think for a while- where did you want to go and where have
you reached now? Are you moving towards the destination that you had in mind when
you started or have you deviated? Have you achieved your dreams or are you
letting them die a slow death?
I would suggest some
simple but very powerful ways to ensure that you don’t lose track of your
cherished dreams and goals. And here they are:-
Write down your dreams or goals in block letters in your personal diary or journal (if you maintain one!). Or, simply write down your dreams or goals on a plain sheet of paper and stick in front of you on your study table or your work area. Read it daily and all the time! At least once in a day, read it aloud! This will help you to mentally register your goals and dreams which will automatically yield in producing some concrete actions to achieve the same. Believe me, it works!
Discuss your dreams and goals with at least one person in your life. It can be your family member, spouse, close friend, a colleague or your teacher or mentor. Ask for advice and means and ways to achieve your dream. There is nothing to feel shy or secret about it. The psychology behind it is that when you speak about something with another person close to you, it creates an obligation in your mind to ensure its completion. You feel obliged to do it as in your sub-conscious it creates an objective for you to achieve that task. Also, you become answerable to the other person when he or she inquires about your dreams or goals. You become accountable in the process!
Maintain your diary or journal and visit it periodically. Your dreams and goals should be listed there in order of your priority. Keep ticking the boxes as and when you achieve or complete your goals. Whenever you visit your journal, it will remind you that you have pending tasks to complete. This way you will not lose track of your dreams and goals.
Remember, life is short. Yes, one day you will wake up and find that you are no more capable enough of doing things as you were able to do so earlier. So, wake up now and accomplish! Fulfill the purpose of your life. Life without purpose is meaningless. Set your goals high so that the process of achieving them becomes a journey to remember in itself. And while you are on this adorable journey, don’t forget to enjoy and have fun! After all, one lives for what?
Well, the sun has downed
now and slowly the chilly wintry night is creeping in. Wow! In a few moments,
we will usher into the New Year! A new year that will give us innumerable
opportunities to grow and shine along with loads of fun-filled moments! So, enjoy
it!
Do you feel a sense of guilt or remorse when you go to bed in the night or when you wake up in the morning? Do you often feel that life is not going the way as how you would have wanted it to be? Well, if the answer is Yes, then what are you doing about it? How are you going to change this situation? Whatever be the situation or circumstances, some basic daily habits if followed religiously can help us to lead a meaningful life. It will help you to lead a beautiful life where you will have inner peace, a sense of belonging, growth for your self and a sense of joy. Remember what you do on a daily basis greatly impacts your life in the long run. The following daily habits will surely help you in leading a better life:-
Sleep early/Get up early:– This can be of immense benefit to you. When you get up early, you have couple of un-interrupted hours for yourself. Use it to your benefit. Read, write, exercise, and meditate…whatever that will help you in your life. Just remember- use your mind to create the environment and not let the environment dictate terms to your mind. For example, getting up early in the morning and the first thing you do is to reach out for your smart phone and then just waste your time going through endless notifications, posts and updates …No, not a good habit! It is a real waste of time!
Early to bed and early to rise Pic Credit: Google
The morning time is very precious. How you utilize your morning hours will define how you would be spending your entire day. And remember, how you spend your each day would ultimately define your destiny!
Robin Sharma, the motivational speaker and the mentor to world famous billionaires has worked hard for four years to write the book – 5 AM Club! In the book he emphasis the benefits of getting up daily at 5 am and how to utilize the morning one hour to improve your life drastically
Getting up early would be
possible only if you sleep early!…yes, that’s true. Ninety present of people
spend their time watching TV late in the night. This is absolutely hazardous
not only to your health but to your overall wellbeing. Another important thing-
to sleep early, you must have your dinner early. There should be a gap of
around two hours between your intake of dinner and going to bed. Post dinner
you should engage in some sort of light movements of your body so that whatever
you have eaten is digested properly.
So, the bottom line here is – you need to form healthy habits that would improve your life drastically in the long run. And believe me, once you start a routine and follow it daily for around two months – it will become a habit. Subsequently, you will find it easy to perform those habits.
2.Have a To Do list Ready Prior Night– Spend some time before you hit the bed about your schedule for the next day. Think about the activities or the tasks that you would be doing. Better, write it down in your note book or in your diary. Set priority to the tasks. This way, you would be very clear as to what all things needs to be accomplished the next day resulting your day to be highly productive and also saving you on your precious time. Your daily plan would help you to set your short term and long term goals. Once you start achieving your daily goals then soon you will start achieving your short term goals as well. Achieving your short term goals would automatically yield in achieving your long term goals in future.
The crux of the matter is that your day should be productive enough to have a cumulative positive impact on your future.
Things to remember- Just making a To-do list is not enough but completing the listed tasks is more important! And to achieve this, you need to ensure that you have a focused mind and apositive environmentaround you.
3. Have your Meals on Time- This is very important. Ensure that you are having timely and healthy breakfast/lunch/dinner. Whatever be the circumstances and how so ever you are busy and engaged- still try to have your meals on time. If you want you can do it…all the time!
Have timely meals with Family Pic Credit: Google
One of the key ingredients to a better life is staying fit and maintaining a healthy life style. Often this salutary knowledge comes to one self very late in life! But sooner the better! Physical activity along with good (read it as simple) diet is a must for a healthy and a happy life. There is a vast amount of information available on the internet on what to eat and when to eat etc. Make yourself aware as much as possible and then decide on your diet. Remember, the more informed you are the better decisions you will make. My suggestion would be to take more of homemade food rather than going for packaged foods. More raw fruits intake rather than processed fruit juice. These are very basic and simple eating habits that our parents and grandparents followed. And you can surely vouch what excellent health they had even in their old age!
4. Spend Quality Time with Family– As a habit; ensure that you spend couple of hours daily with your wife/kids/parents. Be just a family person during this time (forget about your big designations or how big a business tycoon you are…!). When you are with your spouse, just be a husband or a wife! Nothing more! Don’t treat your spouse like an employee of your organisation or one of your team members. And especially for the Husbands- never try to win over an argument with your wife…just accept that her wisdom is much more than yours (no pun intended!). Similarly, when you are with your kids, just be like a father or a mother. Don’t try to impose your maturity and the righteous of things on the poor kids. Enjoy the time with your children and ensure they also have a good time with you. Remember that you don’t distract yourself with TV or your smart phone while playing/interacting with your kid. The child will not like this. For grown up kids, try to have meaningful conversation with them trying to know what is happening in their world. Ensure that they are comfortable interacting with you. And lastly, don’t be harsh to your old parents. Along with love and care, they expect kindness and respect. Do make them feel important by listening to their views and opinion.
If you are staying alone or are single/bachelor, ensure you spend quality time at home where you can enjoy and relax by listening to music, reading, cooking or simply just laze around. Always remember that you might be alone but don’t make yourself feel lonely!
5. Be Honest- Lastly, ensure that you are neat, clean and honest in your thoughts and in your daily life. Be honest. Honest to yourself and honest to the others. Whatever be the situation or circumstances, never lose your honesty and integrity. Always hold your head high and be proud of your achievements- big and small, personal and professional. At the same time accept your failures with grace. Remember the greatest courage is to bear defeat without losing heart. Give yourself a chance to rectify your mistakes. You deserve a pardon from yourself. When faced with failure, feel the pain and then get up again with more vigour and enthusiasm to pursue your goals. And this cycle should keep on repeating till your last breath as you are in a journey- a journey leading to your freedom. Freedom from everything and….everybody!
I am sure if you imply these habits in your daily life
and follow it religiously on a daily basis, you will definitely see the compounding
effect within a short span of time. Do share your feedback and let me know if you
found this helpful.
We have often seen in our daily life, in our home and at work place, how some people doing so many things single handed but always wear a smile on their face. We have seen them taking all the pressure or stress and still delivering the results in a timely manner .Despite all obstacles and issues (personal and professional) they never fail us in their behaviour and delivery. They portray a calm and restricted response in all adverse situations. Often we hear people say ‘Oh, how efficient they are!’ or ‘My god! They are really mentally strong!’
So, did you ever wonder what does it mean to be a mentally strong person? Did it ever cross your mind that, is being mentally strong an inborn quality or if it is a skill that can be acquired? Do you find yourself mentally strong enough?
Firstly, you need to know that you cannot become mentally strong overnight. It needs time and patience. A mentally strong person would be someone who can take pressure, both at work and at home, that is devoid of any anger, panic or any unnatural form of behaviour. A mentally strong person remains calm under pressure while performing his obligations in an compromised manner. He or she deliver results,takes criticism on face without getting hyper, mostly responding to the difficult situations rather than reacting to it, maintains his or her cool in all kind of adversity and finally have the guts to bear the pain without complaining. Yes, these are the attributes of a mentally strong person.
How can you attain these attributes? Well, you need to have the following attributes in your character to help you become mentally strong:-
Self Confidence
Cultivate a sense of self
confidence. Develop self-confidence over a period of time by working out
independently, achieving small goals and small success. Reach out for help only
when it is critical or if there is an emergency. Be very hands on with whatever
you do. Have faith in yourself. Remember knowledge is power so acquire as much
knowledge as you can by reading books on various topics. Gain experience in
different environment and with different people. Getting exposure is really
important. Remember, the dictionary meaning of self-confidence is ‘a feeling of trust in one’s abilities,
qualities, and judgement’.
Another way of developing self-confidence is to learn from your failures. Instead of losing heart and sulking over your failures, do a stock taking of the events and move ahead. There will be many more opportunities to prove yourself but just ensure you are not repeating your mistakes. This way you will gain confidence in yourself and in your abilities.
‘The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you.’ — William Jennings Bryan
FacingCriticism
One of the toughest things in the process of becoming Mentally Strong is to learn how to face the criticism. There would be plenty of occasions when you will be criticized- un-necessarily. You have to learn to face the flak without reacting. And this is a big challenge! You need to understand that this is basic human nature- to criticize. And many a times, most of the criticism would be from the near and dear ones. The people whom you think you are close to. The best way to deal with it is – just don’t get too much bogged down with it. Just listen and filter out the trash- the small talks of small people! Keep in mind one thing- never inflate your ego when showered with praise and similarly never get bogged down when pelted with criticism. You should ensure that your character remains constant in all circumstances. You basic character should not change with time or situation.
Along with unwanted criticism, you may also have to face with insults and humiliation. In all situations, hold your head high and maintain your self-respect. There may be occasions, especially when dealing with close family members or during a critical job/business related situation, where you have to swallow your pride. Never mind! No one can take away your pride from you… you have earned it and it will always remain with you. Sometimes, when the winds blow very hard during storm, the gentle trees have to bend so that they can get straight again after the storm recedes. Mentally strong people behave like the gentle trees!
“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.’ ― Dale Carnegie
AcceptingFailure
Mentally strong people are
not afraid of failure. They understand that to achieve success they have to
pass through the lanes and by-lanes of failure. And failing not once but multiple
times! In fact they take lessons from their failures and ensure that they are not
repeating the same mistakes again. Treat every failure as an event and always
tell yourself- there would be another opportunity or rather many more
opportunities!
So, who’s afraid of the
failures? Not You!
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.’ ― Winston S. Churchill
No
Expectations
Mentally strong people don’t expect much from others. They are aware of the reality and are intelligent enough to manage alone if required. Once you start expecting from others…then you will be inviting only pain and disillusionment for yourself.
No, don’t ever expect from others because your expectations would never be met! The realities are very harsh and painful. Be prepared to accept that. Mentally strong people tread their path cautiously and never get derailed during their journey. If they get help along the way…it’s fine! Otherwise they find their own way to reach their goal. They move towards their goal with all the zeal and gusto…even if at times they have to tread it all alone.
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.’ ― Alexander Pope
Never
Complain
Mentally strong people never complain of their problems and discomforts. They bear the pain and ensure that they are performing their duties and delivering the results. You will see a gentle calmness on their face and in their behaviour. They will not make noise of the challenges that they face but would rather engage themselves in finding solutions. And, ultimately they do find solutions! That is what Mentally Strong people are made of! And once they are done with their job or have achieved their goal they will never brag about it. They will quietly move to their next goal or to the next obligation.
So, to become Mentally Strong,
your focus should be to find solutions to the challenges you face in adverse
conditions rather than making noise or getting panicked.
“Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them.’ ― Lou Holtz
Life will never be easy. When you are done with one issue, two more will crop up! And the cycle will continue. What is the point in getting upset or to feel bad about it? Get your act together and ensure that you are Mentally Strong enough to tackle all the challenges that life has to throw!
And by the way, did you
know that most of the sports people believe that it requires 90% mental
toughness and 10% physical fitness to win the game??
